On being commitment phobic

Ok, so I am a commitment phobic. Get too close to me and I will find a way to screw it up. I swear, I don’t mean to hurt anyone but I just am not into hearts and flowers and forever. Ok, when I say no commitment – I mean I don’t expect or want marriage and that I don’t like being pushed into committing to long term. What I don’t mean is that I believe in open relationships or that I am happy being a yo-yo girl. And it definitely does not mean that I do a hot and cold routine or I accept it. It just means that I am not interested in being trapped to the sentimental circus of a marriage.  

Oh don’t get me wrong, I believe in marriage ….just not for me. I hope to never ever subject myself to that heart ache again.  And I have never assured anyone long term not even by mistake (at least not in the last few years).  When someone says marriage, plans, etc., I want to just disappear. And probably, before I realized about my phobia, I hurt a few people who were close to my heart badly. But you live and learn, and I did. And I hope they will learn to forgive me sometime.

Funnily, when I am in a relationship, I am complete committed to that moment and can behave as crazy as the next person. But start pushing on things that are close to my heart like my travelling, and I am quick to cut that down. It does get tiring and I can definitely be a pain. It is not that I don’t believe in love, I do, and probably still have retained some of my idealistic views on it.

On the other hand, neither do I enjoy being pegged down into square hole of casual relationships, as though anti-commitment means pro –casual. Imagine that! It’s like I have to be committed to being commitment phobic.  So for those morons who still did not get it….(A) I do believe in relationships. Just don’t try to hold it like a Damocles sword over my head. (B) When you can treat me like a convenience, be sure you will be seeing the door close behind me.